[Parentsgroup-list] Parentsgroup-list Digest, Vol 589, Issue 1

Maryann Shenoda mshenoda at fas.harvard.edu
Tue Feb 9 12:53:15 EST 2010


One thing we have come to realize about our son's eating habits is  
that they sometimes do not conform to our already established notions  
of a meal.  So that means if he wants to have macaroni and broccoli or  
hummus or lentils for breakfast instead of oatmeal, its ok since there  
are substantial vitamins and nutrients in both.  There are much fewer  
"no's" for us at mealtime when he eats his lunch for breakfast.  Also,  
we've found that sharing a meal together makes all the difference.  He  
is too curious about what we are eating to say "no" to it.  Finally, I  
have found that our son is quick to say "no" even if he doesn't mean  
it.  That translates into *sometimes* offering that same food to which  
he said "no" and finding that he eventually eats it.  This doesn't  
always work and I only offer the foods that I am confident he will eat  
so as not to waste.
Good luck and stay patient.
__________________________
Maryann M. Shenoda
Doctoral Candidate
Harvard University
Department of History
Robinson Hall
35 Quincy Street
Cambridge, MA 02138
+1.617.852.2159








On Feb 9, 2010, at 12:00 PM, parentsgroup-list-request at lists.hcs.harvard.edu 
  wrote:

> Send Parentsgroup-list mailing list submissions to
> 	parentsgroup-list at lists.hcs.harvard.edu
>
> To subscribe or unsubscribe via the World Wide Web, visit
> 	http://lists.hcs.harvard.edu/mailman/listinfo/parentsgroup-list
> or, via email, send a message with subject or body 'help' to
> 	parentsgroup-list-request at lists.hcs.harvard.edu
>
> You can reach the person managing the list at
> 	parentsgroup-list-owner at lists.hcs.harvard.edu
>
> When replying, please edit your Subject line so it is more specific
> than "Re: Contents of Parentsgroup-list digest..."
>
>
> Today's Parentsgroup Digest:
>
> Today's Topics:
>
>   1. Toddler Eating Problem (Meeta Sharma Gupta)
>   2. Re: Toddler Eating Problem (Sebastian Velez)
>   3. Re: Toddler Eating Problem (Joy Geren)
>   4. Re: Toddler Eating Problem (Alexander Macalalad)
>   5. 4-br apartment available for sublet on April	1st - $2100
>      (Haihua Su)
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Message: 1
> Date: Mon, 8 Feb 2010 19:15:51 -0500
> From: Meeta Sharma Gupta <meeta at eecs.harvard.edu>
> Subject: [Parentsgroup-list] Toddler Eating Problem
> To: parentsgroup-list at lists.hcs.harvard.edu
> Message-ID: <6B148349-203F-41ED-9347-C19857284D11 at eecs.harvard.edu>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
>
> Hi All,
>
> My son, who is 2 years now, is quite picky with food. He has been  
> subjected to quite a lot of changes in the last few months, first  a  
> new daycare, then travel to India for almost 2 months and now back  
> to his daycare. He used to be quite good with food, even try to eat  
> on his own before all these changes started. Now, he will eat with a  
> lot of fuss, and everything is a 'no' 'no'. there are some good days  
> when he eats happily. I try to keep myself as calm about this but I  
> am looking for any possible advice regarding this. Is this a phase  
> which will pass? How should i get him interested in food?
>
> Also, how should i deal with his saying 'no' to everything problem?  
> His first reply to anything, any activity is a 'no'. Is this a sign  
> of his resentment to all the change he has gone through? He is in  
> general a very happy kid and very sociable. This new changes in his  
> behavior make me feel guilty about all these changes we put him  
> through.
>
> Looking forward to some advice,
> Best,
> Meeta
> (Mother of Aarush, 2)
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Message: 2
> Date: Mon, 8 Feb 2010 19:57:30 -0500
> From: Sebastian Velez <svelez at oeb.harvard.edu>
> Subject: Re: [Parentsgroup-list] Toddler Eating Problem
> To: Meeta Sharma Gupta <meeta at eecs.harvard.edu>
> Cc: parentsgroup-list at lists.hcs.harvard.edu
> Message-ID:
> 	<95c4b26f1002081657s27b17f70s86e71f6f80c63fde at mail.gmail.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
>
> Hi Meeta:
>
> I've got two kids, one 18, one 6.
>
> These are normal phases for kids. Yeah, if you had a whole day to wait
> around them it would be one thing, but it's infuriating when you want
> them to eat right away because you have to go to class or take them to
> school or whatever. You know that if they don't eat now, they'll be
> crying later because they are hungry.
>
> My first advice is to drop the guilt. A 2-year old can't know about
> resentment. Kids are also very flexible and I'm going to bet the moves
> have nothing to do with it. With my own kids, when their mother was
> not around, I would take the food away after the first 'no', and then
> not offer any more until the next scheduled meal. It's hard because
> they will try to get food or candy from the fridge or other places
> where you might have easy calories around the house, so you have to be
> vigilant. Yes, they cry and go hungry, but they learn quickly that you
> ain't kidding when you say "eat now or you're not eating for another 2
> hours".
>
> I also think that kids suffer a lot when they get to make too many
> decisions. For kids, you are a magical figure that can produce good
> stuff and reduce their discomfort at will. You can fix things, like
> dirty diapers, that for them are impossible. The problem is that they
> don't know which things you are doing at will (yes or no toys at the
> store, this vs that food, feeding time, bed time, etc.) and which
> things are just laws of nature. I remember my daughter crying to the
> top of her lungs because I would not make it snow. And when I made
> that happen -- yes, I'm that good -- she wanted me to stop the snow,
> of course. So you have to make it clear which things are flexible, and
> thus they have a choice in it, and which things are just the way they
> are. In other words, you don't ask "are you hungry"? You feed them.
> And you don't ask for their opinion when you know what's best for
> them.
>
> This doesn't mean that you don't let them make any decisions.
> Actually, I let my kids make more decisions on their own than most
> other parents. It's just that when I let them decide, I am true to
> them and I accept their choice. When I say "today we'll do anything
> you want", sometimes I get to go to the park with them (what I really
> wanted), and sometimes I get stuck inside playing girly games over
> pizza and soda (what they wanted). I don't play manipulative games
> asking them "what do you think about eating now?" when I really mean
> "eat now". And when I don't want them to have a choice I don't give it
> to them.
>
> Hope that helps. Hang in there!
>
> -Sebastian
>
>
> On Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 7:15 PM, Meeta Sharma Gupta
> <meeta at eecs.harvard.edu> wrote:
>> Hi All,
>>
>> My son, who is 2 years now, is quite picky with food. He has been  
>> subjected to quite a lot of changes in the last few months, first ? 
>> a new daycare, then travel to India for almost 2 months and now  
>> back to his daycare. He used to be quite good with food, even try  
>> to eat on his own before all these changes started. Now, he will  
>> eat with a lot of fuss, and everything is a 'no' 'no'. there are  
>> some good days when he eats happily. I try to keep myself as calm  
>> about this but I am looking for any possible advice regarding this.  
>> Is this a phase which will pass? How should i get him interested in  
>> food?
>>
>> Also, how should i deal with his saying 'no' to everything problem?  
>> His first reply to anything, any activity is a 'no'. Is this a sign  
>> of his resentment to all the change he has gone through? He is in  
>> general a very happy kid and very sociable. This new changes in his  
>> behavior make me feel guilty about all these changes we put him  
>> through.
>>
>> Looking forward to some advice,
>> Best,
>> Meeta
>> (Mother of Aarush, 2)
>> _______________________________________________
>> Parentsgroup-list mailing list
>> Parentsgroup-list at lists.hcs.harvard.edu
>> http://lists.hcs.harvard.edu/mailman/listinfo/parentsgroup-list
>>
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Message: 3
> Date: Mon, 8 Feb 2010 17:14:58 -0800
> From: Joy Geren <joygeren at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [Parentsgroup-list] Toddler Eating Problem
> To: Meeta Sharma Gupta <meeta at eecs.harvard.edu>
> Cc: parentsgroup-list at lists.hcs.harvard.edu
> Message-ID:
> 	<32b3ae5a1002081714j7243be4bl95f00ab1dee7b6cb at mail.gmail.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
>
> This sounds normal to me. Fortunately unless your son is underweight
> you probably don't need to be too concerned. Offer a healthy diet
> including frequent healthy snacks and he will eat when he is hungry.
> Two is not a particularly rapid growth period so he probably needs
> fewer calories than you would think, just make sure he isn't getting
> them all from one source, for instance only drinking cow's milk (if
> you are nursing there is no need to limit quantity). Remember that
> both caloric intake and variety of diet should be averaged over the
> week, not each meal. So if he eats well for three days and barely
> nibbles for two he is fine. If he eats only meat one day and only
> fruit the next, he is fine.
>
> One trick that helps sometimes is making food freely accessible. If
> you can stand to have your child run around with food leave some food-
> crackers, fruit slices, chicken cubes, cheese, or other not terribly
> messy snacks- at his level and he can eat on his terms. This is good
> both for distracted eaters and when eating is becoming a battle of
> wills.
>
> If this is about him feeling like he doesn't have control give him
> some manageable, not open ended, choices during the day (i.e. square
> or triangle sandwich pieces, blue or brown pants, one story or two).
> The choices also help a lot with the 'no' response. "We're leaving
> now, okay?" leaves you wide open for a "NO" but "Should we leave now
> or in one minute?" puts him in control and doesn't leave open the
> option of saying 'no'.
>
> Everyone is presented with challenges when we make big changes like
> moving from place to place, but learning to be adaptable is important.
> He has his parent(s) as a constant and he will be just fine. Being two
> is just tough sometimes, you want to be independent but aren't quite
> there yet and have a lot to say but may not have all the words yet.
> This phase will pass...and then there will be the next one :)
>
> Best,
> Joy (Mom of Toby 4.5 and Della 1.5, and G8! in Developmental  
> Psychology)
>
>
>
> -- 
> Joy Geren, M.A.
> Doctoral Candidate
> Laboratory for Developmental Studies
> Department of Psychology
> Harvard University
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Message: 4
> Date: Mon, 08 Feb 2010 23:58:44 -0500
> From: Alexander Macalalad <amacalal at hsph.harvard.edu>
> Subject: Re: [Parentsgroup-list] Toddler Eating Problem
> To: parentsgroup-list at lists.hcs.harvard.edu
> Message-ID: <4B70EB84.1040809 at hsph.harvard.edu>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1; format=flowed
>
> The "no" phase is quite common (notorious even) in 2 year olds.  We  
> have
> twin two year olds, so we get it in spades.
>
> As I understand it, children in this phase are developing their  
> sense of
> autonomy in the world, so it is important to nurture this sense,  
> even as
> we maintain boundaries and safety.  How?  A battle of wills usually  
> ends
> with (at least) two losers.  Better at this age to use firmness and
> redirection.  For example, "Yes, we are having macaroni and cheese.   
> Do
> you want to eat it with the blue fork or the yellow one?"  So I've  
> done
> a few things here.  I've reasserted that the choice for dinner has
> already been made (by me or by them) and is no longer open to
> negotiation.  Then I've distracted them by presenting a different
> choice, and another opportunity to make a choice and assert their
> autonomy.  And in the larger picture, I've modeled for them how the
> world works, and how they can function in the world with rules and
> constrained choices.  Most importantly, I have showed them that I
> support their autonomy and their choices.
>
> There are a few good books that go into more detail, but the one that
> pops up in my mind is "Positive Discipline" by J. Nelson.
>
> As for the picky eating, I make it a point to always have a well
> balanced variety of foods available, and not to worry (at least out
> loud) about how little or how much they are eating.  My five year  
> old is
> picky about foods, which I don't discourage because he has food
> allergies, so it's good that he's careful about what he eats.  He eats
> in spurts, much as you describe your two year old eating, and he is  
> 75%
> in height and 50% in weight on the growth charts.  So it all evens  
> out.
> I do make a point of restricting milk to one glass each meal, and  
> water
> in between, and emphasizing nutritious snacks (fruits and vegetables
> over juices and junk food), under the theory that if they are going to
> restrict their calories, at least make those calories as nutritious as
> possible.  You don't mention whether your family is vegetarian -- if  
> so,
> then you also have to make adequate protein available (as you no doubt
> are already aware).
>
> Hope this helps.
>
> Alex
>
> On 2/8/2010 7:15 PM, Meeta Sharma Gupta wrote:
>> Hi All,
>>
>> My son, who is 2 years now, is quite picky with food. He has been  
>> subjected to quite a lot of changes in the last few months, first   
>> a new daycare, then travel to India for almost 2 months and now  
>> back to his daycare. He used to be quite good with food, even try  
>> to eat on his own before all these changes started. Now, he will  
>> eat with a lot of fuss, and everything is a 'no' 'no'. there are  
>> some good days when he eats happily. I try to keep myself as calm  
>> about this but I am looking for any possible advice regarding this.  
>> Is this a phase which will pass? How should i get him interested in  
>> food?
>>
>> Also, how should i deal with his saying 'no' to everything problem?  
>> His first reply to anything, any activity is a 'no'. Is this a sign  
>> of his resentment to all the change he has gone through? He is in  
>> general a very happy kid and very sociable. This new changes in his  
>> behavior make me feel guilty about all these changes we put him  
>> through.
>>
>> Looking forward to some advice,
>> Best,
>> Meeta
>> (Mother of Aarush, 2)
>> _______________________________________________
>> Parentsgroup-list mailing list
>> Parentsgroup-list at lists.hcs.harvard.edu
>> http://lists.hcs.harvard.edu/mailman/listinfo/parentsgroup-list
>>
>>
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Message: 5
> Date: Tue, 9 Feb 2010 10:05:52 -0500
> From: Haihua Su <haihuasu at gmail.com>
> Subject: [Parentsgroup-list] 4-br apartment available for sublet on
> 	April	1st - $2100
> To: parentsgroup-list at lists.hcs.harvard.edu
> Message-ID:
> 	<46246c371002090705p7901e08fu3f2c8e4b683e2326 at mail.gmail.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
>
> Here's the post on craigslist:
>
> http://boston. craigslist. org/gbs/fee/ 1592162508. html
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> _______________________________________________
> Parentsgroup-list mailing list
> Parentsgroup-list at lists.hcs.harvard.edu
> http://lists.hcs.harvard.edu/mailman/listinfo/parentsgroup-list
>
>
> End of Parentsgroup-list Digest, Vol 589, Issue 1
> *************************************************



More information about the Parentsgroup-list mailing list